Voicing Heaven in Earth's Language

Let me qualify something.  I do not know if “friend” is the best word for suffering, but I do know this: “To the pure all things are pure…” (Titus 1:15 NKJV).  All those who are godly will suffer and we rejoice in persecution for Christ’s sake.  We count it an honor to complete the sufferings of Christ in our bodies.   God is granting me the great blessing of finally beginning to understand this a little bit.  Experience has a way of making the deepest of concepts very real and interpreting them to us.  Only because of experience do I now understand what Thomas Dubay says when he states in his book Fire Within , “We ought not to view the relationship [of suffering and growth in prayer] as extrinsic,; that is, as though suffering is a ticket that admits to prayer but without inner causality.  On the contrary, suffering borne with much love and in union with Christ crucified purifies and renews.”  One will never find freedom to suffer if they continue thinking that it is an extrinsic

Am I pretending? Have I lost all vision, or is this just a season where some dryness has hit? Have I walked outside of your word, oh God. How I ask for you to direct me? Am I just pretending, or am I missing it? Where do I go from here? You know my heart to obey You! It's there, I know it is! Do not allow me to miss it. "The call is to die." You have told me this repeatedly. "Be available and listen." I heard this last week. I have experienced much contentment, even in the current season, but today feels aimless and like a sick cycle carousel going nowhere. I feel like I'm going through the motions. I want to go somewhere with You. I know that vision resides somewhere in me. I believe it's in my heart of hearts, where the Spirit of God resides through faith. But, in my mind there seems to be no clarity beyond general "pie in the sky" dreams. I do not mean "pie in the sky" as in "impossible," and lofty, but